Subtitles for the Teenage BORED!
by Keiyou
Summary: Two Random stories for the bored person looking for a humor break. Or an FMA crack break... either way everyone wins!
1. Chapter 1

_**SUBTITLES The Alchemy Exam**_

_**Keiyou says... Oh man, I had these sitting on my comp over the summer,**_

_**the stories started when my brother was being a little bi-atch while I was on the internet, I decided to be a smart-bass and type everything he was saying to me... hence I found something to do during the summer break! **_

**:past, Al, 11. Ed, 12:**

Mustang stood at atention while Hughes looked over his shoulder at the name sheets

Random Bob, one of many random people taking the prestegius exam was talking to Havoc, (who was retaking the exam over a bet he lost) next to him "Dont cheat!"

Havoc's eyes went blood-shot and he gripped his head in frustration "NO NO! IM DEAD!"

Ed looked over with mild interest at the jumpy man. "Cool!"

"Are you dying?" Al asked sympatheticly.

Havoc straitened up like he'd never been manic in the first place "I dont know what your talking about."

There was a sudden series of banging on glass from outside that distracted most of the test-takers.

A burly man stood outside the window while a bunch of pink swirly starish apendages pounded on the window. "OPEN UP!"

the man shouted

Everyone stayed where they were.

A guy named random Tim, like pretty much everyone else, got sick of answering the questions and started headbanging while shouting; "ROLLING STONES!"

The burly man had crawled through the window after the shiny sprites opened the winow, he straitened out his uniform, slapped a stack of mail on the desk and asked proudly; "Who called Fed-Ex?"

Al had taken the oppertunity to ransack the mail lying on the desk below "HEY, I GOT A DISCOUNT!"

A younger guy with a nametag that read; Cain Fury,screamed as everyone in their seats got up and charged after Al in persuit of the envelope he held.

Hawkeye took the comotion as an oppertunity to talk to Mustang privately "Can we go horseback riding later?"

Mustang replied by saying; "Rental product keeped more than seven days and void will prohibit."

He got caught up in reading the mail too.

Hughes popped a couple stress pills "Im gonna blow my brains out pretty soon..."

The fuerher looked in shock as he noticed the reason everyone was leaving their seats. "OH MY GOD! YOU LEFT THE CHEAT SHEETS OUT!"

Mustang looked at his commanding chief. "they've been there for months..."

"HEY! WERE ARE YOU GOING!" Hawkeye said venimously as she caught a random Larry going back to his seat with the said cheat sheets.

Ed, the only one still at his seat, threw a chair at the scrambling crowd. "SHUT UP!" he yelled with I'll-set-you-ablaze eyes.

Random Jimmy, who had been drunk too boot when he came in had been making a mini model of a helium balloon when he said sluringly; "Were in a bar! GROW UP!"

Al had grown bored of the letters and raided a box of labled bottles "I FOUND POISON!"

Hughes looked up sharply "OH GOOD GOD!" and took the box with the name 'Maes' on it from him

Mustang had grown weary of the Major and asked; "When are you leaving?"

KRASH!

Hughes had dropped his box.

As Ed read, strange fumes were spreading around the room, making him and everyone else (save Alphonse) feel weird. "WORDS... HURTING... BRAIN!"

Al walked up behind his brother "This is coming from a person who would walk up to somebody and say F OFF!"

Ed just looked at Al more annoyed than he'd been since he got here "Umm... BullSh..."

A sudden series of car horns blair outside as they swerve to avoid a rather colorful looking Fed-EX truck.

Hawkeye noticed that the crowd had dispersed and everyone was back at there seats "...And the crowd goes quiet..."

"Great..." Mustang murmured thinking how wonderful it would be to soak his head in a tub of gin.

Hughes looked sympatheticly (or is it a fume induced look) at his long-time friend. "Does somebody want a hug?"

Mustang just gives him a hard long look.

Fury grew concerned at the second leutienants strange behavior as she stood where most of the fumes were gathering. "I dont know if shes drunk or just high..."

Hawkeye looked at them with shifty eyes and pulled something sharp out of her uniform "Wanna see what I can do with my ice pick?" she slurred and ran outside into the parking lot.

Havoc had instantly left his seat when he heard his car alarms go off and ran outside to the now crazed woman "WAIT A MINUTE! YOU CANT USE THAT ON MY CAR!" they heard him yelling.

"That is sad..." Mustang said frowning his disaproval of the second leiutenants behavior... then laughed as the fumes gathered around him.

The Furher, who was strangely uneffected by the gas, turned to the now monky-like test-takers "PUT DOWN YOUR PENCILS, PLEASE, THE TEST IS OVER!"

Ed shot up throwing a tantrum "WAIT! IM NOT FINISHED!"

He ended up being escorted out by some bouncers. "DWAHHHHHH!"

Alphonse walked out without his head, not realizing this...

The Furher, who had been admiring the new helmet Fury was wearing, clapped his hands all girly-like "Okay people, we can turn this place back into a rehab now..."

MORE TO COME... oh dear lord... my mom was looking at this... she just called Hughes "Hodges" (LOL)


	2. Lunch Hour

SUBTITLES- Lunch Hour

Ed had been standing in the middle of Mustangs office dancing strangely while Roy lectured him on the importance of 'Toadies'

Ed was soon bouncing.

"I gotta go pee... Excuse me..." he left the room. Mustang ran out after Ed and ended up running into Scar on the way.

"Hey boo boo..." Roy said casually and left.

Scar stood confused, "O.K.?" then he shrugged and went into Roys office. (O.O)

-THE BATHROOMS-

Ed grunted as he stood in the mens room waiting for an empty stall.

Suddenly Al came out from one of the stalls wearing Gracias kitchen apron holding a tray.

"Look Ed... MY COOKIES ARE READY!"

He kicked Al aside and ran in the stall.

Hughes came out of a different stall and swiped one of the cookies "this is good..." he said munching on it.

"Chewy, not chalky" agreed Hawkeye coming out of another stall and eating one too.

Hughes threw her out of the mens bathroom.

Fury had been secretly doing the band march when the first leiutenant was suddenly chucked at him and both somehow ended up in the cafeteria and into a table.

Fury was about to comment on the strange position they were in when a bowl on the table came crashing down on his head and (for now) killed him.

Meanwhile in a random hallway Alphonse tried to rescue the cookies Maes kidnapped from him.

"MY COOKIES!"

-HQ Lounge-

Ed, now relieved of his stress and quite famished, snuck into the fridge in the lounge"what looks good tonight... MMM! perogies..." He said joyfully taking the box out, tossing it on the counter, only to watch it fall off of of stuff already littered on the said counter.

"DAMNIT! THIS COUNTER IS MESSY...AGAIN!"

-Meanwhile-

Soon Al had succeeded in rescuing his snatched cookies from the manic Leiutenant Colonel and ran into Envy while counting them "Hi Envy!" he said without a second thought as to why he was there.

Envy growled while flinching one of the cookies and walked off chewing on it. "Someday I'll devour your souls!" he murmered.

-Lounge-

Ed had been running water in the sink.

"GOD! THIS WATER TAKES FOREVER TO HEAT UP!" he complained holding his automail hand under it.

"...wait, I cant feel the water that way." he switches hands

-prolonged waiting for ten minutes-

"THERE WE GO!" he opens the bag, well, he tries to...

"WHY WON"T YOU DIE!" he growled before ripping the bag open and spilling its contents all over the floor

"ARGGG!"

(few yelling moments and a new bag later)

"Now to let them soak..." he said dropping the perogies into a bowl with hot water. suddenly the stuff in the bowl began moving around. "Why is it bubbling!" he wondered while slowly backing away, so far unaware that there were eyes watching him in a cupboard...

-a random and very decorative room-

Alphonse forgot the cookies and had found another object of interest.

"KITTY!" he squeeled playing dress-up with it

"Kittys got an umrella!"Al said happily

"In its ear!" Havoc had been there at the time, and now wished he wasn't

Mustang was playing with an old doll house, earning strange looks from his subordanents. "this things dusty..."

Havoc tried to walk to the other end of the room and tripped over the toy house, crushing it and earning a very venomous look from Roy. "Heh, want a smoke?" Havoc offered hopefully.

Everyone in the room was distracted by a large abstract image outside howling god-awful noises.

"_I GOT SOMETHing in my pocket, I got something in my pocket_..." they heard Armstrong's singingvoice.

-Lounge-

Ed calmed down when the bubbling ceased and waited a few minutes before deeming it safe to pick up the bowl. "Done soaking!" he said happily while pouring the water into the sink, and watched assaid sinkclogged.

"DAMMIT!"

(two minutes of clap-fixing later)

"Ewww, these are sticky!" he muttered poking at the perogies. "Umm, Microwave instructions!" he quickly skimmed the words on the box. "Three minutes!" hesaid poppingthe bowl into the microwave

"Now time to relax..." he flops on a sofa he transmuted out of the trash from the counter.

"...at least for three minutes" he murmered then looked back at the dark space between the lazy-suzan.

"When the beeper goes off, tell me..."

Envy growled and crawled from the space. "Get it yourself..."

Hughes (who'd contracted a sugar high when he ate the cookies from earlier) ran into thelounge laughing uncontrollably until he tripped over a stool and fell in a trash bin.

"OWW MY FOOT!"

(BEEEEP)

Ed looked at the red flash on the microwave. "Oh they're done!" he went to get them out of the microwave... Until he noticed the Fuerher had already taken possesion of them.

"Owww" he whimpered when the Furher slapped his hand when Ed tried to take them back.

Ed cried as he watched Bradley devour his lunch. "OWWW! ITS HOT!" he yelled. "I swear to god, that one almost made my eye water, and not in a good way either!"

Ed screamed and chased after the Furher when he tried to escape with them.

-Decorative room-

Riza yawned loudly from boredom. "Are we gonna watch TV tonight?" she asked the others then jumped when the door flew open and a beat-up Ed flopped in followed by the Furher.

The Furher tossed a perogi up in the air and pulled the trigger on the gun he held."GHa ha! I blew a hole in the perogi!" he laughed. then he walked up to the wall and moved aside a picture frame, Scar stood inside a hidden hole in the wall shifty eyed. "Here... Have one!" Bradely said handing a perogi to Scar.

"Its staring at me..." scar said looking confused.

"... my stomach is grumbling at me... saying; "FEED ME BITCH!" Ed said complaining about his pilfered lunch, then secured what was left of them from the Furher.

Al dropped the scarred kitten and scratched his helmet "Who thought of the word 'Stomach' anyway?"

Fury (alive now)said sarcasticly "a guy got really bored one day in ancient Greece, 'Instead of calling it Blah Blah Blah, well call it stomach, and throw people off!'

He got strange looks.

Armstrong stopped singing and tapped on the window from outside "What did you say?"

Fury looked at the Major like he was insane. "I didnt say anything, what you talking about!"

Riza had gone crazy with boredom and burped

"SMILE!" she said

she gets funny stares

"What?" she said then noticed it wasnt her they were looking at, and looked behind when she heared screams.

Havoc was drooling something white.

Hughes went rabid with fear. "RABBIES!" he screamed, suddenly the sound of beach ball getting squeezed was heared and he made a retard smile.

Mustang, including the others, covered their faces in disgust "YOU POOTED! YOU BASTARD!"

Ed was still whining about his lunch. "My stomachs still grumbling at me! stop grumbling, you bastard, I already fed you!

Armstrong crawled through the window after his sparkles opened it . "You know what sounds good? rice pudding..."

Hughes snapped out of his stupor and agreed with the Major. "To bad we we dont have the recipe for it." he said sadly.

Fury had begun daydreaming about the thought of rice pudding and started chewing on a spoon he was holding.

Scar had left his hiding spot and stared at Fury. "What are you doing to that spoon?"

Fury's eyes went big and circly "... nothing" he claimed putting the spoon on his head.

"ok your all scaring me!" Scar said jumping out the window and leaving.

clicks were suddenly heard in the background

Hughes swung dangerously on a ceiling fan. "WEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...OOF!"

he got thrown off into a brick wall

Ed grumbled at Maes's stupidity. "He hurt himself again, didnt he?"

Al had his head on upside down for some strange reason"Yep, nope, maybe, i dont know... Im on drugs! WeW!"

"YOU CAN'T BE ON DRUGS!" Ed yelled at Al "YOU DON"T HAVE A BODY!"

Envy ran in happy to have finally discovered a way to take everyones souls. " I SHALL GIVE YOU ALL... COFFIEE BEANS!"

Mustang then achieved the longest silence in this fic so far. "... ... ... ... ... ... I'm lost, i thought we were talkin aboot food earlier?"

Riza looked up sharply. "Aboot?"

Mustang noticed the flaw in his for so long untainted Colonelness. "Ooops,I mean about!"

The Furher looked at him angrily. "Thats it, we are getting you hooked on phonics."

Mustang went blue and had trouble breathing.

"NoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!"

Ed meanwhile, tried to keep Scar from following the Leiutenant Colonels behavior from earlier. "HEY, GET OFF THAT FAN BLADE RIGHT NOW!"

"WEEEE fun fun for everyone!"

Scar yelled and was smiling happily...

Until he flew off and hit the brick wall.

Scar lay still on the floor.

"Is he dead?" Ed said looking down at Scar.

Al picked up an empty bottle he seen Scar come in with earlier. "No he's drunk."

Mustang smiled evily. "Cool, Im taking his wallet!"

END...For Now...


End file.
